Emotional Intelligence: Feeling Your Emotions

Originally published on Examiner.com, October 8, 2014. Refreshed and updated for today.

“It’s not the wind that blows, but the set of your sail that determines your destination.” ~ Jim Rohn

Emotions are powerful. They can set the tone for an entire day, influence our decisions, and even shape our relationships. Looking back at this piece I first wrote in 2014, I can see both how much I’ve grown in my understanding of emotional intelligence—and how much the core truth still resonates.

When Moods Snowball

Ever notice that when you wake up in a bad mood or something small goes wrong, the rest of the day can feel like a domino effect of negativity? One little irritation can build into something much larger if it isn’t addressed.

We’ve all had someone tell us to “cheer up—it could be worse.” Maybe that works for some, but for many of us it doesn’t. In fact, it can feel invalidating. While venting to someone can help, it doesn’t always make the bad mood disappear. The real shift comes when we learn how to feel and process what’s going on inside, instead of ignoring it.

Dreams, Emotions, and Old Wounds

Years ago, I had recurring dreams of screaming at my ex-husband—something I never actually did in waking life. These dreams left me unsettled and in a bad mood that lingered into the day. To move forward, I had to pause, acknowledge what I was feeling, and give myself permission to name it. (BTW those dreams were related to me not feeling heard in waking life.)

The point isn’t that naming my feelings instantly fixed everything—it didn’t. But it helped me move from drowning in emotions to beginning to process them. For much of my life, I had buried emotions with food or denial. Facing them head-on felt foreign, but necessary.

Emotional Intelligence Is a Skill

Back then, I admitted openly: I wasn’t “good at” emotional intelligence. And honestly, it is something I’m still learning. Emotional intelligence isn’t about having perfect control over your feelings—it’s about cultivating awareness, naming what you feel, and practicing healthy expression.

Sometimes our hardest emotions—anger, grief, fear, shame—surface in dreams, or at times when our guard is down. Emotional intelligence doesn’t mean we stop feeling them; it means we learn to recognize them, honor them, and express them in a way that’s safe for ourselves and others.

Healthy Expression Matters

It’s important to remember that feeling angry is not wrong—but how we act on that anger matters. Violence, whether verbal or physical, is never acceptable. Respectful, honest expression sounds more like:

“What you just said makes me angry. Making me the butt of your jokes is very disrespectful, and I won’t tolerate it.”

That type of honesty sets boundaries without harming the other person. It also affirms your dignity while inviting healthy dialogue.

Reclaiming Emotional Integrity

Many of us grew up learning to suppress “negative” feelings. We were taught it’s better to hide them than to be honest. But reclaiming emotional integrity means learning that all feelings are valid. They don’t need permission to exist. What matters is how we handle them.

If you are in a situation where someone expresses their emotions through violence or abuse, know this: it is not your fault. Protecting yourself is not only wise, it is necessary. If you ever feel unsafe, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Helping Children Navigate Big Emotions Through Story

Children experience big emotions just like adults—but they often don’t yet have the words or tools to make sense of what they’re feeling. That’s where caring adults come in, to help them identify, process, and respond to those emotions in healthy, life-giving ways. One of the main goals of The Little Keepers of the Garden Series is to give families a gentle, faith-filled way to do just that. Each story invites children into a garden of wonder, where the characters Zara, Micah, and the wise Gardener guide them through struggles such as worry, forgiveness, patience, and kindness. These beautifully illustrated allegories are designed to spark meaningful conversations, nurture emotional awareness, and remind children of their identity and purpose as beloved “keepers” of their own garden hearts. The books currently available can be found in the Healthy in Heart Store, ready to become part of your family’s journey toward emotional and spiritual growth.

Moving Forward

Emotional intelligence is a lifelong journey. For me, it began with recognizing the power of emotions—even ones stirred up in dreams—and realizing that burying them only gave them more power. Naming them, honoring them, and expressing them with honesty is what brings healing.

If you, like me, sometimes struggle with feelings that seem overwhelming, take heart: emotional intelligence is not a trait you either have or don’t have. It’s a skill that can be learned, practiced, and strengthened over time.

As you continue your journey of growing in emotional intelligence—learning to recognize your feelings, respond with wisdom, and build stronger connections—remember that growth is a daily practice. That’s why I’ve created resources designed to support you along the way. From guided journals and workbooks to wellness tools and faith-based inspiration, you’ll find products in the Healthy in Heart Store that help you put these insights into practice in your everyday life. I invite you to explore them and find what best supports your next step toward wholeness.

Continue the Journey

Our emotional patterns are often rooted in identity—what we believe about ourselves shapes how we respond. I go deeper into that here: [How Identity Shapes Self-Worth: Breaking Labels]

Emotional health is not separate from physical or spiritual health—it’s part of the whole. I bring that together here: [Whole-Being Wellness for a Balanced Life]

One of the simplest ways to begin shifting emotional patterns is through gratitude. There’s actually science behind why this works, and I explain it here: [Science of Gratitude: An Approach to Healing(Opens in a new browser tab)]

This topic goes deeper than most people realize. This article connects the dots: [Pornography and Emotional Intimacy]

All of this is part of a bigger framework of healing and restoration that I call the Eden Way. You can explore that here: [What Is the Eden Way]