Striving with Others: Understanding Friction in Relationships

“Strive not with a man without cause, if he have done thee no harm.” — Proverbs 3:30 (KJV)

This verse offers wisdom on managing friction in relationships. It gives two clear conditions: don’t strive with others 1) without cause and 2) if they haven’t harmed you.

The Hebrew word for “strive” here is tā·rîḇ, which literally means “to rub.” It paints a vivid picture of friction—like two surfaces grinding against each other, creating heat, discomfort, and even fatigue. Rub your hands together briskly for a minute. You’ll feel the heat building, the discomfort rising, and eventually, exhaustion setting in. If you rub two sticks together long enough, that friction can start a fire—one that can either destroy or purify.

Friction in relationships works the same way. When we argue, fight, or clash without reason, we create emotional and spiritual heat. Conflict without cause leads to unnecessary strife and burns bridges that could have been built in love.

Living Peaceably: When Friction Is Unavoidable

Romans 12:18 tells us, “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” Notice the phrase “if it be possible”. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, others will continue to cause friction in relationships. No matter how much peace you carry, if the other person refuses peace, living harmoniously becomes impossible.

But even in these cases, Romans 12:19 reminds us: “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” When someone wrongs you, don’t grab control from God. Trust Him to handle the situation. Let Him be your defender and shield (Psalm 18:2). This doesn’t mean you sit idly by; instead, it means you actively seek God’s guidance through prayer and even fasting when necessary. Let God lead your response, not your emotions.

Turning the Other Cheek: Responding to Conflict God’s Way

In Matthew 5:38-39, Jesus says, “Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.”

Jesus wasn’t calling us to be passive victims. He was teaching us to rise above the cycle of retaliation. Turning the other cheek doesn’t mean accepting abuse—it means refusing to let the fire of friction in relationships consume you. Sometimes, the wisest action is to remove yourself from the situation entirely.

In verses 40-42, Jesus emphasizes that material possessions shouldn’t drive conflict. If someone sues you for your shirt (chitón), give them your jacket (himation) too. Why? Because things are replaceable, but peace and love in relationships are far more valuable.

Loving Despite Friction

Jesus ups the ante in Matthew 5:44: “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”

This command challenges us deeply. When friction in relationships leads to pain, betrayal, or persecution, our natural response is to fight back or cut ties. But Jesus calls us to something higher—to love even those who “rub us the wrong way.”

Why? Because God’s love is impartial. “He maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.” (Matthew 5:45) If we only love those who love us, what makes us different from the rest of the world?

Inviting God Into the Friction

One crucial truth often overlooked is that God won’t intervene in our situations unless we invite Him in. Matthew 7:7-8 tells us to “Ask… seek… knock…” God respects our free will and waits for us to involve Him.

When friction in relationships arises, the first step should always be prayer. Ask God for wisdom, strength, and peace. 2 Chronicles 16:9a beautifully illustrates God’s heart: “For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him.”

If your heart is at peace with God, He actively looks for ways to show Himself strong on your behalf. He wants to step into your battles, but you must first invite Him.

Challenge: Reflecting God Amid Friction

This week, consider this challenge: How can you reflect God’s love despite friction in your relationships?

We are image-bearers of YHVH. Like mirrors, we reflect whatever we face. If we fix our eyes on conflict and strife, we’ll reflect bitterness and anger. But if we turn our gaze toward God, we’ll reflect His peace, love, and strength—even when others strive against us.

When someone rubs you the wrong way, turn to God first. Pray, seek His guidance, and watch as He steps in to calm the storm. And when He shows up strong on your behalf, give Him the praise! As Psalm 22:3 reminds us, “God inhabits the praises of His people.”

Let’s aim to spread love and hope this week, even when friction in relationships threatens to burn bridges. Invite God into your struggles, reflect His image, and testify about how He’s working in your life. Let His strength shine through you!

If you’re seeking practical strategies to navigate conflict and foster understanding in your personal and professional relationships, FRISPECT – Turn Friction into Mutual Respect: The Transformative Power of Harmony in Personal and Professional Interactions offers valuable insights, even though it doesn’t draw from biblical principles.

If you enjoyed this one, be sure to check out my other articles and delicious recipes for more inspiration!

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